these days of feeling defeated and frustrated are coming way too close together recently.

i was able to take the art history exam in the other section and the teacher was very nice about the whole thing, which was a huge relief. actual test content-wise i have mixed feelings about the test. but we'll see. it's just a lot of things to remember for an art history exam, and my memory is very bad.

before that, however, i had my marketing class, which is usually my favorite one, but today that was not the case. we got our tests back from friday, and i made either a B- or a C+ (depending on the curve that is to be determined), and i'm frustrated about that, because i felt like i did really well on it. and i want to do really well in the class. when i walked in he asked to speak with me after class and i was like, "fuck, what else have i done wrong today?" when we went over the test he handed back our essays and said that he extremely rarely gives full credit, and took a really self-righteous stance on the whole thing which was severely obnoxious to me. i asked him if he could write on our essays what it was that kept us from getting the full credit, but he said that was asking a lot of him since he has 90 papers to read. i made a face like "so the fuck what" and he laughed nervously and said he just wasn't prepared to do that. after class he said he needed to talk to me because i was always late to class. first of all, and this may be picky, but i am not always late. and when i am it's a matter of a few minutes at the most. i just told him i was having a really bad day and if the conversation could wait that would be better. he said it was, so we'll see. i was ready for a fight though.

after my art history test that went slightly into dr. maaannnns class, i realized that i had forgotten to write down a small assignment she gave on wed, and that i was the only one. she also had to comment on how i am always late. and i got her test back and i didn't do as well as i'd hoped there either. there's something just very defensive about her that really makes it difficult for me to like her at all.

it's just really been very difficult to hold everything together to any degree recently, and it just feels like everyone should just make a list of things i'm doing that they don't like to give for me to review so i can be a completely different person than i am at the moment. whatever i can do to help... you know?

i would just really like for some of thesee people to give me a fucking break. ahem.

listening to: "melancholy melody" - esthero