i'm so happy to be at home. it's been so nice to see my family and spend time with them. my first day back we all went to lunch together and then i went shopping for my second cousin's 3rd birthday presents with my mom, which was fun. we read children's books and made fun of some of the crazy toys. then we went shopping for jessica's baby shower together. i've just really enjoyed everything so far.
being back home though has given me some time to think and i have had some problematic conclusions. i really wish i had made it to my counseling appointment on friday because i've had a very hard time with some things. i have not seen my friends yet, largely because of some insecurities that i don't really feel brave enough to admit to them. but i'll mention them here for the world to know. stupid, i realize. anyway on saturday i was supposed to go out with a few friends, and everyone was coupled off except for me. normally i do not have a hard time with these types of situations, but this weekend it felt like a really big deal. also i have become increasingly unhappy with my appearance. so i was too self-conscious to go out to a gay bar of all places. plus also the reality is that i have not been feeling all that well, and that probably wouldn't have been smart.
but today i stayed in bed all day. that's a pretty sad way to be starting off spring break. so it made me think a lot about things, and realize that i need to take action in changing or i will get worse.
now i'm working on physics. we have all these questions we can answer in our online text for extra credit and i am determined to do every single one. well that and i may really need those points. eek. i may make a later entry tonight as well. but there you have it.
listening to: dzihan & kamien - "deep kitsch"
posted by jeff @ 10:15 PM
1 Comments:
Oh man, Jeff, I miss you. Break is being good to me so far, in terms of, you know, a real break from schoolwork, but I've had way too much time to think and overanalyze and dwell on shit I don't need to be stuck on, and even more time to diagnose all of my character flaws, so I know something about what you're saying here.
A day spent kid-shopping with your mother sounds like such fun, though; it made me smile just to read it. Even if your break stays low-key and family oriented, that could still be a good time, yeah? I hope so, and I definitely hope for updates, since I won't get to see you all this week. Good luck with the thinking and changing and, um, physics questions. Make sure you take good care of yourself, and feel better soon. I adore you, and every update you make excites me.
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