tonight was by far the worst night yet. i'm feeling more and more lost and i need to do something to get out of this. icried for hours straight til my desk was soaked and i was physically exhausted from it. i'm going to try and sleep and wake up refreshed in some way. i just don't don't know where to start and i feel very alone in it, because i have kept so many secrets for so long. yet even opening up to someone doesn't save you from your own demons, and that i have to definitely learn the hard way. therre is a constant state of panic right now and i just need to find a way to work through it and keep things going as they should until things get better.

listening to: sade - "i never thought i'd see the day"