this past weekend was quite nice. i left school on thursday evening (at a reasonable time, no less) so i could have a long weekend.

but then on friday i was so tired from staying up all night on wed for finance hw that i didn't do anything except sleep all damn day long! i was a little sad about that part, because i was planning to go to the art museum that day for my art history class, and also to check in at central about my accounting class for summer school. friday night i got my hair did and then i saw craig and jon and had some coffee with them, then had indian food with my parents.

on saturday i woke up late once again. who is surprised anymore? then i went to the art museum in the afternoon. it was really fantastic. my favorite exhibit was this one.

i still haven't decided which piece to do, because so many of them were really compelling and fascinating to me. things like this make me feel really sad that i do not do art anymore. i feel kind of empty and inauthentic with respect to my ideas right now, and it doesn't feel important to document them. but whatever, i have all these cool pieces to choose from, and i'm wicked excited to be doing some work at school that i care about. it's very refreshing after finance and business and the blah blah blah that i have to deal with otherwise that is so souless. later on i met craig and jon and jody and we went to mama fu's for dinner, where i was teased the whole time for being wimpy about spicy food. i thought it was hot :( then i broke down laughing on the way back while on the phone with la jessica. chupa is still not here. she is taking her time. (it could be a boy, but we refer to errybody as she, so you know..) after that i made it a relatively early night.

then - and you'll never believe this! - i went to church with my family for easter sunday. i knew it would be important to them. i usually duck out with some excuse or another, but i felt that i should be there with them. recently i've felt really at home with my family, and it's nice to be with them, whatever that means. it was surreal. a lot of what the preacher talked about really applied to me, especially when he was talking about feeling like your life has no purpose. but i don't buy any of that died for our sins stuff. i've fucked up relentlessly in my life, and the main thing is to forgive yourself and hope that otherrs will be able to also. it just seems so surfacey to just have to pray and ask that it be forgiven and poof it is. but that's just my feeling on the issue. there were good parts admittedly, and also points where i thought i would laugh and be shut out in a very unforgiving fashion. then we had luch at my grandparents'. it was really nice to see everyone. i fell asleep shortly after lunch though. then we went home and i finished packing and watched the jerk with my parents and had pizza. we watched part of napolean dynamite but my parents were obviously not feeling it as much as i was. then i went to jody's new place before he, angie, craig, daniel, and i went out to gaytini night. i had a great time with everyone, even if i didn't dance as much as last time.

then i woke up at 6 am to drive back to asheville. i don't know why but driving back in the morning is so depressing. i can't put my finger on why it's worse but it is. i always feel sad or depressed.

that brings me to this week, which has been really bad. on monday i didn't make it to art history in the morning, because i chose to have lunch with jen and kenny, which i don't regret at all, but then i went to my room and the rationalization of why not to go to marketing crept in alowly and i decided against going to it, largely because i didn't want to get our test back that i took last week when i was so sickly. but i decided i would go to my art history class's afternoon section. but guess what? i slept though alladat. yeah. then i picked up dinner and hung out with marshall for a hot sec. then chris and kenny and mark and i watched some QAF. i came down to my room afterwards and finished my finance hw and changed the songs on my mp3 palyers on here and myspace, then realized it was morning out, so i stayed up and watched boondocks on AllUC. i didn't feel well so i decided i would go to my afternoon section of finance after physics, but surprise surprise! i didn't make it to either! so i will get a zero on my finance hw that i actually did! and on my physics attendance quiz.

i'm feeling pretty much like a huge fuckup. but the truth is i feel so completely lost here, and i just find myself feeling really disheartened by it and my sleep is all kinds of fucked. everything is a mess. and i know it doesn't have to be, and also that i'm probably blowing it out of proportion, because i'm so critical, but goddamn. i just want the hell out of here. there's so much left to do before the end of the semester, too! it feels very daunting. my heart is most certainly not in it. i don't know if it's in anything, really, but it sure as hell ain't this.

tried to unwind tonight and have a nice dinner in my room. i watched some curb your enthusiasm (have i mentioned how much i love ALLUC?) and that made me laugh a lot, but now i can't decide if i should stay up and do some work or just go to bed. i know the sensible answer is to go to bed, so i might have some hope of getting on top of some shit, but i'm not sure i can just lie there right now, because my mind is racing and that will make me completely insane.

i really hope tomorrow is the turning point for the week. i've got to get things in order.

skye. what's wrong with me.