this past weekend was fun. i got to spend some time with jordanna and robert and chad, which was really needed. we went to smokey's on saturday night and had a few drinks and some good conversation, which is what i've been needing recently. then we went to denny's, which was a scene like no other! writing tidbits from it can in no way do justice to what we saw. but i'ma try. there was this sad hostess with a high waist and a misconstrued face, who admittedly was "not for sure;" there was a run out on a denny's bill that got everyone worked up and caught in the drama of it all; ms. pearson had me broke down about scoliosis; the list goes on and on and on.

i had a lovely impromptu breakfast and dinner that day with eva and alison and gina. my home away from home here in asheville. i've said it before but it's so refreshing to have friends that have nothing to do with school up here at all. because boy have i been needing to get away.

i'm not a person to try and stir shit up (as robin used to say back in the day to bother me), but this is supposed to be my outlet for some shit, and i'm feeling some type of way about some of my friends right now. i really need a chance to talk to them to let them know what's up. right now is a really hard time for everyone involved, but some shit has gone down that i would never do to friends that i am incapable of being cool with. i'm having a very hard time with something specific that i'm mentioned in here before and shared with my friend and she has been nowhere to be found and a complete flake recently and so not there for me. i feel really let down about it, and don't know where to put my feelings about it, so sometimes i'm hateful, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes betrayed, etc and it's just been a fucking rollercoaster and i am too through with riding that bitch, so something's gotta give.

i woke up this morning feeling incredibly ridiculously shitty and wasn't sure why until i went to check my blood sugar, and realized that it was close to 500, because my insulin pump had gotten pulled out of my skin in my sleep. so i spent the whole day feeling horribly and having two exams back to back. i am not sure that i did well on my marketing exam, and was feeling particularly hateful towards my professor the whole time. you know it's bad when you plan out things to say to someone if they call you out, and that's what i was doing before i got there. i am sure i aced my art history exam, though. i was mad prepared. that's gonna look great on my transcript, though, huh? marketing major with a fucking awesome art history score. but christ, who can even care about that thing anymore. that level of hopelessness cannot even be comprehended. also i missed my counseling appointment, too, which i feel really badly about, so i left her a note explaining the horrendous day. i just want to bury myself in blankets and sleep through the rest of this day and come out on the other side for a better day tomorrow.

gonna be hard, though (naturally), because i have an advising appointment at 9:10 and a class at 9:25, which i fucking told my advisor. there are way too many things wrong with this. number one, how the fuck is the rest of my life supposed to be worked out in 10-15 minutes?! wtf?! number two, why oh why must it be that soon? i have to figure out all these things to show him what i am gonna take so he can approve it. out of spite and complete disregard for his time, i feel as though i'm going to have to forego all that bullshit and get him to do it. i'm too through with everything. and this is blatently not adhering to my time.

then at 9:25 i have my finance class, which i am so lost in. i am going to start going to my section and his other section because i can't get everything down that i need to understand the material and even though he's a really great teacher, his explanations do not help me. i need step by step shit in that class. then i have physics soon after. once again, blech! why on earth am i in yet another physics class? there is no reason this should be.

i can't wait to be home! i'm considering skipping marketing on friday and leaving after class on thursday. i can't get out of here soon enough. i miss everyone at home so much and i'm hating this place more and more each day, and i just need the break.

i think it's time to wrap up and sleep for a while until i feel motivated to face more of this lovely day.