so i finished the homework earlier than i'd thought i would for my
finance class, and thought i should not go to sleep because i would
miss the class. i stayed up and got somethings done until 20 minutes to
leave when i put my head down and then did not wake up until class was
basically over.

my teacher doesn't accept late homeworks, so i emailed him, but have no idea what he'll say. i worked so hard on that stupid assignment. and i'm bitter and hateful about the whole thing truthfully. i'm
just so tired and i got no sleep the night before or last night for
working on that stupid thing. and it is really funny how i would come
so close and then miss class. this tends to be the kind of thing that
happens to me, it feels like. and i would strongly characterize that as
fucked up.

i'm tired and miserable today and have no clue what
will happen with this class. if something could just work out for me
here that would be really amazing. but i do not have a good feeling
about it.

beyond these things i have something set up for tomorrow that deals with the larger issues i've been worried about all semester, and i'm
sick just dreading it. i really need a way to get out of my head,
because the worries and the thoughts will not stop and it's making it
very nearly impossible for me to be happy.

i just wish things would stop unravelling on me. i don't feel like i deserve to be this much of a mess. and so now i'm sitting here waiting for an email response and we all know how crazy that can feel. this is torturous. and i just want to sleep and forget about everything, but i'd only wake up to things being worse.

i hate to be so negative all the time, but i really fucking hate school. i'm so completely and utterly through with all of it. and i'm 25. enough is enough. i would scream but i'm
in a dorm room. i need a change of scenery. anything to take my mind
off school and how crazy things are at the moment, and maybe even make
me feel like i can deal with it in some meaningful way, because i am at
a loss.