so school is out and i'm back home. i'm feeling kind of relieved, but also kind of lost. i have pretty much been asleep since i got back home.

today is mothers day and i can't think of all the things i would like to do for my mom, but also i'm a bit on the poor side, so it's hard to negotiate all that. i'm gonna go out early this morning and get her some fresh flowers, and hopefully be back before she wakes up so i can set them up for her to see when she wakes up. i'm also - i fear - locked into going to church with my family to keep things pleasant between all of us. i feel like ultimately they wouldn't say anything if i chose not to go, but it would be uncomfortable. but i hate going to church so much. all that christian nonsense makes me so uncomfortable. and it's so long and you're sitting your ass on some bench seats like at a picnic and listening to some crazyface preacher go on and on about some shit. but i think i'ma go to keep things nice.

since i slept all day pretty much i was wide awake tonight long after everyone else was gone. so what did i do? i watched the golden child on alluc.org. haha. i loved that movie as a kid! it's so crazy as all 80s movies tended to be. and now it's like 4:45 and i have to be up early to get the things for mothers day before i have to be ready for church. so i don't know what to do. i guess i will have to sleep some. if i don't i may be hella cranky later on if i have been awake all kinds of long hours.

i've got so much on my mind and so much to figure out. first thing monday i need to figure out where i'm gonna be working. my position at cameron's is not really available, so i think i'm going to try to get my job back at barnes and noble. i'm not sure just how well that will work out, but i have high hopes. i could also try fosters, though, i'm not sure i should work there, because i'm going to try to get into shape. and that could be very counterproductive. but i liked working there a lot, and it was really chill, so it could be fun, who knows. if those things son't work out, i might take jody up on his offer to put in a good word for me at banana republic, although i'm a little nervous about working somewhere like that again. i just don't feel like dressing up and being crazyretailface all over again. i wish this was not always so hard, but maybe i'm making it out to be worse than it will be. things might just fall into place.

blah blah blah right? anyway i should probably go to bed. i miss my friends from school already! but i can't wait to see my friends here! i hope this is a great summer. i sure need a break.

music: esthero - gone