so if i gave these entries titles, or my potential autobiography up til
this point, it would be "trying to be a grown-up." with a distinct
emphasis on trying.


the reason i bring it up? i acquired yet another ticket this
past weekend. it was only for speeding, but it follows in what seems
like an endless line of car and driving related problems. i hate to
whine about it, but somehow it does seem excessive. but anyway itcould've been much worse than it turned out, and for that i am truly grateful.

but this brings me to my title. anytime something of this nature comes up i feel like i'm 15 or something, and am scared to tell my parents and own up to my mistakes. it's so pathetic. and this time i'm
making a strong effort to handle everything myself. work out the lawyer
choosing, and paying for everything, and just basically taking full
responsibility for this problem. we'll see how well it will go, and to
be honest, this week was one of the worst ones it could have happened.
naturally. that's because my mom is out of town for one, and my dad's
birthday is the 5th, and there's a holiday, and he's off work the rest
of the week. so i don't want to bring it up and ruin a birthday or a
holiday with everyone, andi'm torn about waiting til mom is back to get
it over with with both of them at once or each separately. there are
pros and cons either way, so who knows. it's just very frustrating,
because i know i can handle this and come out fine, buti'm just scared of disappointing my parents. i'm 25 in case anyone didn't know, so it feels a bit sad.

i just hope there is a day where i'll wake up and feel like the adult i'm
supposed to be. it's so scary to think of going through life being this
unsure of everything and feeling like my life is crazy. i doubt it
works that way, though, so for now it's little steps and cruise control
settings for me.